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I have just realized that I haven't been here in a very long time.
Where have I been?
I did not slow down. I did get very ill after my last post and
it has been a cascade of unpleasantness ever since. My world has been in
an upheaval.Why??
I have thought about this at great length. I have been in turmoil and upheaval
for a very long time, professionally,personally and emotionally.
What to do? Well I did manage to get out of a work situation that was sucking the life out of me. Loved the job and the people....disliked the politics and laziness of management ,not to mention the rotating  shifts (not good for my body) Now I am in a place that I enjoy despite the fact that the money is far less than what I was used to. OK good step in the right direction. Personally, well that is a work in progress.....some good work accomplished and a long way to go.
Now emotionally,well I have been a basket case. Relationships..old and new are changing.  Life is changing. People are changing. I am changing.
This transition is a very emotional one for me as I realize that time is passing so quickly. My babies are adults,my grandchildren are soon entering their teens and I am getting older.
I like being older! I want the time to enjoy everything! I am working on my emotional self....cutting a path to that place of contentment and serenity so that I can sit and breathe in my surroundings. Slow down,slow down.....

Listen

Today would be the 57th Birthday of my good friend Randy.
Sadly he died a few weeks ago after a courageous battle with cancer.
I dedicate this blog to him.
    What I learned from him....
Never ever give up! Never stop asking questions. Never assume anything.
Always smile even when you feel like crying. Live today, in this moment, and enjoy the simple things. Love with all of your heart.
 So today I woke up feeling rather yucky.. a change in the seasons promptly reminding me that this nasty bronchitis,asthma thing is my body's way of slowing me down. I am down, on the couch, aches and pain...thinking.
If I had slowed down, quit racing around and just been still perhaps I wouldn't have been forced to do so by my ever so intelligent immune system.
  Always in a hurry, get up, get dressed, hurry up and walk the dog, hurry the dog..eat faster I have to go to work...where are my keys? Did I lock the door?
Who do I need to contact today? What are my plans for tomorrow....on and on and on........EXHAUSTED!  I bet you feel the same way at times. So STOP! Right now! Be still, listen..what do you hear?  I hear the rain bouncing off the driveway..trucks on the highway.....I am Listening.
I have made myself a promise..from now on I am listening...

Whatever became of me?

Have you ever wondered "What became of me?" As children we envisioned out lives as we thought it would be based on our childhood experiences. No one ever told us about the challenges we would face.
When I was a young girl I envisioned myself as a graceful, beautiful woman surrounded by music and art and poetry. I would live in a small cottage overlooking the ocean.My days would be filled with sunlight and bird songs.Evenings by the fire with people sharing their amazing talents and stories. I would write a novel.
Somewhere between then and now I followed a  a different path....Sister,Mother,Grandmother,Nurse.
 All amazing and wonderful experiences! Now comes my time for exploration into me. Who am I? What did I love? What makes me feel joy?

Wondering

So now 50+  years have gone by...how is that possible? I was 20 something yesterday. I  had hopes and dreams and lots of time, so I thought. Where did it all go? What happened to possibility? Why does it all seem so difficult at times? What happened to the dreams?  So age has opened new doors ,new dreams,and new possibilities.
The notion of having plenty of time is fading. It is my time right now. I am ready to explore!

Celebrate

Why is it that we have to have a special occasion to celebrate? I have decided to make every day a celebration.
Sounds silly but it doesn't cost anything and there are many things to celebrate.Just the fact that I woke up this morning is reason to celebrate! Coffee in hand (heaven) stepping outside and listening to the Cardinals singing in
concert, no ticket needed and free...celebrate!  Foliage, a museum  in nature..free....celebrate! Celestial viewing from the bedroom window...spectacular and free...celebrate!  On my way out the door......going to celebrate all that comes my way.

Grateful

I am grateful!
    As I sit down to write I take stock in all of the things that I am grateful for...
    I think that sometimes I am too focused on all the things that are "not quite right." and forget
to take a moment to appreciate all that is so very wonderful. I have the freedom and opportunity to
make my life as bountiful and pleasurable as I choose. There are always obstacles to overcome,and hurdles
to jump over, but the ultimate power is in my control. I am in the driver's seat of my my life.
I have become trapped by the things that money can buy and I realize that debt is not happiness.
 50+ years have come upon me so quickly. I am taking the time to appreciate the smaller things in life.
Every day is a new beginning, a blank canvas on which to paint, a page on which to write, and a picture waiting to be taken. This is the only time of my life. I am determined to live it. Where to begin?

Moving Ahead

It is the time for moving forward. The luxury of tomorrow is just that. A luxury. What are we waiting for? Every sunrise and every sunset moves us that much closer to the ultimate realization that in order to make our lives our own, we must act now!
   I am in transition. I am crawling , frightened to leave the comfort of my known exsistance in order to persue  my dream of  a simpler more gratifying life. Don't misunderstand me. I have  had a wonderful time on the journey to this present time. Many hardships have followed me, many joys have blessed me. I am ready to devote myself to me. Selfish? Perhaps.
          Where to begin...........................?